You heard it here first! A 400 million-year-old Dunkleosteus was found alive and well over the weekend in the quarry of Rockport State Recreation Area. 

A scientist takes weight and measurements. *Devon the Dunkle has been blurred to protect his identity.

Rockport State Recreation Area is known to harbor 400 million-year-old fossils from the Devonian Period of the Paleolithic Era, however, one local fossil hunter was in for a BIG surprise during a spring search in the quarry!

A Dunkleosteus (let’s just call him “Devon the Dunkle” for short), was found to not only be alive but flourishing in the rocky environment. Albeit, the Dunkleosteus found was only a small fraction of the size we have known these prehistoric fish to be. We can only speculate as to why Devon the Dunkle is so small. Everything we believed to be true about this armored placoderm is now facing intense scrutiny by paleontologists all over the globe.

April Pyrite, discoverer of the Dunkleosteus was quoted saying:

Proud finder of 400 million-year-old Dunkleosteus, April Pyrite, poses with a scientist. *Devon the Dunkle has been blurred to protect his identity.

“I was just walking around the quarry, trying to find some cool rocks when I saw some movement near the stream out of my peripheral vision. I walked over to where I saw the movement, I figured it was probably a chipmunk or a squirrel when I realized I was looking a the weirdest fish I’ve ever seen! It tried to bite me, then I think it called me a loser. Really hurt my feelings, ya know.”

How Devon the Dunkle has been surviving for approximately 400 million years in Rockport’s quarry is beyond any scientific explanation. According to paleontologists literally everywhere, “We can only assume that this particular Dunkleosteus adapted to the extreme and defied the odds via some kind of ludicrous-speed evolution!”

How this phenomenon happened, we may never know. What we do know is that Devon the Dunkle was less than impressed with being discovered. After referring to the local fossil hunter as a “loser” and muttering several other expletives, Devon was last seen packing a small suitcase and heading east toward Lake Huron.

Is it safe to say the “Age of the Fish” is back? Or perhaps, maybe it never left…
Happy Fossil Hunting and Happy April Fools Day!

 

*Disclaimer- All “scientific” opinions and quotes in this article are completely inaccurate and absolutely ridiculous*

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